Abramelin Post-Mortem

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Topic author
Kir
Neophyte
Posts: 5

Abramelin Post-Mortem

Post#1 » Mon Jun 28, 2021 3:22 pm

Hello Studo Arcanis,

I had originally mentioned in my introduction about my failure with the Abramelin; in retrospect I thought it came off as kind of flippant and removed that section. My prep and execution of the ritual was rather all-consuming for a period of time, and it's something I took very serious. So, with this, I'm hoping for a kind of Abramelin post-mortem. I'm going to post why I did it and how I did it, and I'm hoping for some good feedback and criticism. I tend to overthink things, so, this may or may not be helpful to others. Largely, the first point is that time and again I've read that magic is impossible without initiation. A novice magician will simply not be able to make contact on their own. So, without a Lodge, without some sort of lineage, you could work for years with nothing to show. Many people, perhaps correctly, see contact with the Holy Guardian Angel as a goal to strive for. While, I was seeing other people, most notably Aaron Leitch, postulating that perhaps it would make a better first step. Essentially, you would be initiated by your HGA. The HGA would act as the intermediary, and smooth the way. An option for those of us who don't have access to typical means of initiation. That made sense to me, and that's why I decided to undertake the Abramelin. A first solid stride on the magical path. Also, having a HGA guide you in the correct way, is appealing. I'm nearly middle age, with a young child, so, each wrong path starts mattering more.

So, I had first read the Abramelin back in 2017 and it struck a cord with me. It really stayed with and around a year later I brought the idea of me undertaking it with my fiancé, who absolutely forbade it (she's an Atheist). Fast forward to 2019 and I just couldn't shake the idea of completing the Abramelin. I broke it all down for my wife; why I wanted to do it, how I was going to do it, and what I sought to gain. Ultimately, she agreed this time, and even helped make my robes and helped with making incense. At this point I had around six months until my start time in April 2020. I used the time to build my altar, and to accumulate what I couldn't make. I used the time to read and re-read Dehn's version of the Abramelin, and to completely nail down what I was going to do. There were a few things I wasn't sure how to fit together with work, but, with Covid-19, I was suddenly working from home and things got easier.

Over the years I've read any books, articles, and day-by-day blogs that I could find regarding the Abramelin. I even found someone who removed all of the Religious trapping from the ritual, and attacked the ritual from a neurological stand point. I settled on the timings of Mathers version, while otherwise following the instructions of Dehn's version. There may have been a few smatterings of ideas from Jason Newcomb's 21st Century Mage. I made an oath to complete; I also swore to watch no movies, tv, and to play no games for the six months. Other than that, it's literally just what's in the book. Where things differed for me is that I'm an Atheist, albeit, perhaps a bad Atheist. All that really means is that I don't believe in the Christian God, and that's pretty much it. At this junction, I haven't yet accepted a new Religious paradigm. Due to the Judea-Christian flavor of the book, I was quite conflicted about the prayer. But, during meditation one day I realized that I could pray to 'All that Is'. It's a concept I wouldn't struggle with. So, my sessions ended up being a period of prayer, to 'All That Is', following by void meditation. Sessions were around 30 minutes to 1 hour each.

The six months went by quickly. I loved the extra time for studying Spiritual/Religion topics. The seclusion felt easy, and, all around it felt pretty easy. I will say, I always hit two hours of study a day, often more. During this time I fell in love with Daoism, it's very beautiful. I had what I think is normal weirdness. I felt a sort of vulnerability, so, I definitely kept up with protections around the house. I had weird dreams, etc. Twice I heard audible voices after waking, which is the only time that has happened to me. The voice told me true things. If I had to point out a place that I feel like I failed it would be with media. I feel like maybe I violated the spirit of my oath, if not the wording. I didn't watch movies or play games. But, I did read entertain books, and listened to a lot of audible books while working from home. There was a period of time that was spending a lot of time fixing broken electronics, which was a big distraction. Also, I found it hard to be enflamed while praying to 'All That Is', due to the impersonal nature of the concept.

I don't know, ultimately, I felt like my undertaking of the ritual was meant to happen. It felt easy, it felt like it flowed and that so many obstacles just peeled away. I felt like it was destined to succeed. So, when the final ritual began, I have to admit that after two days I was disheartened. On the third day I heard, in my head, "You aren't going to succeed in the way you wanted". And that was it. I didn't feel comfortable moving forwarding into the 2nd portion of the final ritual, not knowing if my HGA was going to be present.

Perhaps I gave up too early. I don't know. What are your thoughts? What did I do wrong? Did have wrong mind-sets, etc? Would it be worth trying again, years down the road? Or, would it better to let things happen more naturally?

I know this was a long post, so, I appreciate anyone reading this far. I kept this as brief as I could, so, if anyone wants more detail, let me know. Thank you for reading.

-Kir
“If you want to kill giants, hang around a giant killer.”

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