Well, I am sure that many of you reading the title of my topic probably went "here we ago again with this..." Yep, it's repetitive, redundant, the never ending wanna get my ex back, and I am here for it. Please, I only ask you to be kind enough to approach my situation as magicians. Not moralists, not ethic philosophers. I get it. It's touchy. It's controversial. I am well aware of my actions and how twisted/unsound what my aim may seem to some. It really is what it is and I've thought it thru & thru and set my mind on it. Likewise, I kindly ask you to avoid advising me to move on and that would be for the better, and that I'll find better or can cast a less specific spell to attract love in general. Not going to happen. Look, I am not going to write you a Wordsworthian poem of how I love the girl or paint you a Fitzgerald-esque picture of how much my heart is deep for her. She's it. IT. There isn't going to be another her. That's all.
That being said, let me get to the crux of the matter. I need guidance/correction or, really, whatever insight you have on what I'm doing right or wrong about this all. All in all, my work spellcasting towards her began around three weeks ago. I must say, she is [u]extremely STUBBORN.[/u] But does she have a stronger will than mine? I doubt it. And let's admit she has a stronger will, does it seal everything? Is a hardheaded person immune to manipulative magic? I tried a couple of spells. First one, candle spell. I took a piece of paper and cut out two humanish forms. One male and one female. Wrote my name on mine and hers on hers. Began the spell by getting emotional, let myself drown by my heartbreak. Then I took the two papers and held them beyond the candle. I started visualizing my goal: getting back together. That was my intent. Then I put the two on top of each other and tied them with a red cord. "So it is." Blew the candle and put the spell away. that's act I.
Second one is slightly humiliating but, as said before, whatever it takes. (this one I think I butchered it.) I made a sigil from her name. I masturbated and climaxed on visualizing her. Took some of my fluids (sperm) and put it on the sigil. Added to this, I made a petition. I burned the sigil with my fluids on it, and I burned the petition too. That's act II.
While doing all of this, I thought of supporting all of this with NAP. It has a rekindle lost love ritual in it so I thought why not. To be quite honest, I think i did the ritual for four nights and irregularly, too. Act III
Last but not least. Evocation. I tried to evoke two spirits: Dantalion and Sallos. I don't think I've succeeded. I don't feel much. My heartbeat rate slightly increases and I somewhat feel a bit warmer, but I think these are just stress factors. Having read extensively on spirits in general, I think this is really the way. If there's any chance to change or "coerce" her will, demons are the way to go. But I feel like I'm failing. I try to look for hints of results but nothing seems to come my way. To get unblocked on social media would be a great first step. But nothing.
Now I think my issues are twofold: 1)impatience and "lust for result" and 2)doubt. I just don't know to let my mind off once I perform something. This confinement is killing me. Not much room to do anything. My mind is constantly on her and results. Also, I sometimes doubt the efficiency of it all. NAP is no black magic but it illustrates my point well here. I have a strong intent,there's nothing more right now in me that the desire to get her back but I perform rituals and spells and then go re read Cobb's testimonies and.... I get skeptic. You know, the cheesy stuff. I do believe. I DO BELIEVE. SOMETHING TELLS ME I WILL MAKE THIS HAPPEN. But I'm human... all too human...
Well, shit. Thank you for reading this long text.