Well, as the title indicates, this thread is about insight I've managed to glean that has everything to do with depression caused by work with Elubatel. For those interested in reading my blog post about this, click here. I am posting it here as well, as it seemed to be plenty important.
The long and short of it is this: Over the past 2 weeks I've had several very odd, instant-karma-like things happening. Its been incredibly frustrating, and probably has everything to do with the work I do for clients. My girlfriend ended up getting exposed to a material she's incredibly allergic to, so I had to take her to the hospital. A day later, my passenger-side front tire had been punctured, so I had to replace two tires. The day after that, more car trouble...I had to take the car into the shop to get an oil change and whatnot. Later that day, I found out that the company that replaced my tires broke the TPMS sensors. And later still, my puppy had to be put down because she had distemper. All-in-all, its been a royal pain in the ass of a couple of weeks, but that got me thinking.
I went through the protection and upkeep checklist I keep, and I found that the one thing that really needed to be done again was a success rite. So, that said, I did my usual preparations and conjured up Elubatel. Mid oration, I realized that I had better backtrack and ask Her a question (yes, She appears to me as a female...dunno why that is, as others seem to have a different view). Specifically, I wanted to know why every time I worked with her, I suddenly got depressed after the fact. Every time, I'd be a whiny little bitch of a man for the next few days for no apparent reason, and I'd always be in a funk that I just couldn't shake myself of. Well, in talking with Her, I discovered that She's granting us success, in open-ended requests, by giving us what our subconscious wants the most. In some people, that just happens to be a reason to tear ourselves down. No idea why it is, but apparently I have that deep-seated masochistic urge, which is rather interesting.
That, of course, leads me to two realizations and boons:
1) I know myself a bit better.
2) I basically just got thumped and told to be more specific.
It certainly made for an interesting reminder, and I thought I'd share it with you folks.
Any thoughts?