"Im not ready for a relationship" very very often means; "I am not *interested* in a relationship... *with you*".
I would strongly suggest you stop pining over that ONE girl and open yourself up to the possibilities of something totally unexpected. Open yourself to ALL women and to the Goddess.
Try magic on yourself first. Invoke martian and venusian archetypes to tune into the frequency of attraction and sexual magnetism and then do some research on the art of the pick up. There is a whole community around this subject. But don't become a robot about it. Girls can very often sense that. Instead just learn the rules and take what you feel good about and what seems to work for you.
The best of the bunch, IMO, is David Deangelo. He has hours and hours of video lectures that are really spot on, some of which start to dip into NLP and magic. I really can't recommend him enough to you. You can find his lectures through file sharing clients like emule and soulseek though his material is well worth the price of admission.
I promise your chances with this girl will be far better if she sees how OTHER girls are attracted to you. and how you could take it or leave it, having so many options and not NEEDING a girl -cause you are so comfortable with awesome self.
In regards to "not feeling" the energy of the middle pillar. Trust me, it's real and when you are doing it correctly you DO feel it. It is not some imaginary play time fake out thing. It's real and can be dramatic in intensity.
energy follows breath and attention. try moving your attention from your stomach up to your head as you gently breath in. keep it simple at first. It may take a lot of practice. The book Astral Dynamic by Robert Bruce, which I have recommended here before, has some great exercises on learning to become aware of and manipulate energy. He suggests using a feather or other device to "trace" a route (say up and down your leg) to get the nerves sensitive to the area of travel before attempting to move energy along that area. It's like etheric training wheels. also, like a bike: Once you notice the energy and it's movement it's hard to forget. However constant practice makes it more palpable and controllable. practice ALL the time. when you are walking, driving, waiting, resting.
All this will be easier if you can focus your attention, and I am willing to bet that this comes down to your ability to RELAX. Relaxation is very important and very often neglected.
Instead of trying to force yourself to "Not think" try placing your attention on your body. this will also train your awareness to the subtle fluctuations of the energy used in the middle pillar.
Psilocybin Mushrooms, when taken in high enough doses (4-5 dried grams depending on body weight.) can be very helpful in learning to let go of thoughts (enter into trance) and to become aware of the subtle fields of energy within the body. However, if there is a lot of psychological debris and blocks in the energy body it can be a frightening and painful -though ultimately cathartic and healing experience.